My sweet little girl who was happy just to hold my hand and watch pleasantly, is now exploring her environment and testing her independence. This translates to straying to far from mommy and climbing on furniture after I told her it’s not cool. She has also taken to biting her friends at daycare, which I am certainly not impressed with and addressing immediately.
I knew parenting would be hard, I expected it. It is a different kind of hard, one you could never prepare for, when you become a parent you have all these preconceived notions and expectations that seem like the answers. Then the baby comes and challenges every single one of those options. I met Alyson Schafer, psychotherapist and Canadian parenting expert and she reaffirmed that I needed to throw all those preconceived notions and solutions out the window and roll with the punches. I need to remind myself daily about this.
My Lil’ Cupcake is her own person, and I can not control her, to a degree. I am responsible for teaching her. I AM RESPONSIBLE. The past few days, I have come to realize that she will learn a lot more from me if I model behaviour rather than react to behaviour. I need to show her how to act by doing. It is especially clear that she learns more from seeing and doing. I know she is not perfect, and neither am I. Most importantly I need to remember she is still learning and that how I handle the situation will teach her more than anything else. I have to keep my cool, ignore the behaviours that I don’t approve of, teach her lessons in socialization by encouraging gentle, friendly behaviour and encourage her and praise her with positive reinforcements. Sure, I could bribe her, use fear and self-doubt, but in the long run, what does that teach her? I need to lead by example and let her know what is right and wrong in her actions.
Many people told me parenting is the hardest thing they have ever done, I am up to the challenge - a challenge that scares me, because I am responsible for her and who she will ultimately become. I want her to be confident, considerate and reliable. I want her to be able to think on her own and make the best decisions, not worry about what others think – I know that comes in the teenage years and we will have to cross that steep and rickety old bridge when we get there.
Over the past few days as my Lil’ Cupcake transitioned from a baby to a toddler embarking on independence, I have really been conscious of her behaviours. This past weekend was extremely hard and I came to the slow conclusion that things need to change, ASAP. I spoke to a friend’s sister who specializes in child psychology, and she recommended a few board books by Elizabeth Verdick to help the Lil’ Cupcake with manners, and understanding. I am going out tonight to my local chapters to pick up “Teeth are not for biting,” and “Hands are not for hitting.” The Lil’ Cupcake loves to read, so she may find these books entertaining. My sister-in-law who is also a child care provider also recommended the books. Two recommendations, both with multiple children and experience teaching children, I trust their recommendations.
Just to be clear, I am still nervous about what’s ahead of me as I fling myself head first into the Terrible Twos. However, one can only hope that they will be a piece of cake, or a little kinder than to the upcoming Trying Threes and the Fu*king Fours. Lord help us if I don’t own stocks in Starbuck and Dirty Laundry Wine by the time the Lil’ Cupcake turns into a teenager.
